My roommate is a drunk ass

I came home to find Dian leaning over our fish bowl, trying to fish out our one goldfish with a staple tied to some dental floss. Dian is SUCH a fishwhore! He loves him some fish. When we went to Miami, he ate a dolphin with some homeless dude. They said they found it on the side of the highway and that it was "roadkill" but seriously, what dolphin crosses the street? No dolphin does! Dian called it "Pastrami if the sea." He is sickening.